Well, sabbatical is long since gone and our busy season has nearly arrived. I can’t believe it’s been 3 months since Amy passed away. I came home to a horrendous amount of work. However, I am enjoying my privacy and spending my free time alone with the Lord. I am far from over all that I have been through.

So, how do you cope with loss? This is a question that I am asking, not preparing to give an answer for. I can certainly tell you all what not coping looks like. I have some older friends who have loved and lost someone to cancer. Their first response was to run out and get re-married immediately. It has been a real struggle for me not to fall in to this same mentality. In fact, without accountability, I will end up right where these guys are - not that I am judging the way they have chosen, it’s just not right for me. That’s one of the reasons it will be good to have a guy roommate.

A friend told me recently that they really struggle with bearing the name of Christ for fear of misrepresenting his name. I question that big time. The whole thing that makes being a Christian so appealing is putting on the name of the One who is worthy because I am so unworthy. I am embarrassed of who I am without him. I get my identity from him! Without him, I am nothing. And I constantly wander away. Being a Christian is not about doing everything right, but it’s about knowing where to go when everything is wrong!

I find that in the roughest of times for me, I beg the Lord as David did in the Psalms, “Keep me as the apple of your eye, hide me in the shadow of your wings...” (Psalm 17:8). God, as much as I need your protection from outside forces, I need to be hidden in you! Let your light shine through me and transform me! Let others see you in me, and not me. Let no one see me. I surrender unconditionally to you.

I got no answers for loss. I would be lying if I were to insist on saying that I am not broken. I have tried to fix things on my own and I assure you it makes things worse. I am undone.

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